bits and pieces from my stream of consciousness. some are more complete than others.


A tired dream

Sometimes I daydream about having a little store. I would have a store, a space, people would come, and that would be it. I wouldn't have to be anyone, be anywhere. In some ways this is idyllic – stress-free and sunny. But also, it's kinda sad because it is a dream about no longer trying. Or at least in comparison to trying as hard as I am now, to keep learning, growing, going. 

It's an ironic time to have this reflection because most people are feeling gung-ho and optimistic about the year ahead, starting new routines, fitness goals (I am on this train this year!), etc. But I also have to acknowledge how much dread I feel because of how this past year of coronavirus has been a string of tests of resilience and perseverance to unexpected changes and cancellations of plans.

"2021 will be a great one!", "A busy one!" – while I really would love for these to be true, I can't help but feel a bit heavy as I put on my 'trying' shoes again. But, maybe it'll wear off like the soreness from newly awakened muscles from a new work out routine (:


What stories are worth telling? 

I think that depends who you are asking. As mostly a creator and consumer, my answer would likely differ very much from a marketer or someone who is concerned with the 'business' side of things.

I've been thinking a lot about trends and why some stories trend and why others don't. And how some companies thrive on knowing their market and creating things specifically for them. But something about that model really bugs me, because while it's great in some ways, it could also take away from the potential breadth and variety of content that gets put out there and is seen and heard. As a consumer, I find this a real struggle when looking for 'something different' to widen my horizons. 

As a creator, I also find that the question of 'what will pick up?' dampens my instinct to just make something. It's a real struggle behind why my sketchbooks are empty, why this blog has the few posts it has. Will it be good? Will it resonate? Will it make money? These are all external criteria for what is worthwhile, in the eyes of others. But what about in my own eyes? I AM the one putting the work in, the creator, after all. It needs to be worthwhile in MY eyes, MY heart and gut, above all else!

I think to answer the question of what is worth sharing, I have to also think about what purpose art serves to me. It is an expression of myself, and how I see and understand the world. Sometimes it's a byproduct of a journey, other times, it's a journey in itself. The deciding question that I'm going to test out for the coming year is: "Did the journey change me (for better or for worse?)?" If the answer is yes, there is a story within that is worth telling.  

Ferzo the Fiery Pink Panda

A few hours after 'Opposums in a Tree', Dirchansky got greedy and admitted her yearning for a song about Ferzo. Ferzo is an original character from our collaboration many years ago called Red Wagon. He's a tiny pink panda with a huge attitude. Naturally I obliged. 

Ferzo made an appearance in Dirchansky's indie game, Come for a Drink, in which I had the privilege of voicing Ferzo himself. He started off as my first-ever drawing in Adobe Illustrator in 2009, and has evolved into this feisty thing over the years, so it was fitting that he'd also be the first rap I rapped. He will always be Ferzo the First. Ferzo's been a fun character to play with – his plush/felt self is featured in the song art of my first rap ever :) I had a really great time layering all the different voices to this and hope you it gives people something laugh about!

Silly little opposums

I'm very grateful to have friends who are up for creating things just for fun. Not too good for 'dumb' and 'pointless' projects – not to good to experiment with me. Today's little creation was inspired by us playing with, a great tool to explore chord progressions. I for one find it super helpful because I have a hard time producing chords with an instrument, but can recognize and add to a mood... if that makes sense. As an adult, I regret not taking that away from my piano lessons and harmony exams :( Anyway, here's a short soundbite.

Lyrics & melody: @dirchansky
Humming & interjections: meee

An Odd Beginning

An Odd Beginning

I've lived in the Toronto area for the bulk of my life, and uprooting to across the country in BC made me realize how great I had it in terms of a creative community in the design and visual arts field. I quickly came to miss the spontaneous exchange of silly doodles, bubble tea chats, and deep talks while beached on the bean bags at 1-hour Cafe.

At the start of this COVID-19 self-isolation situation, I found myself reconnecting with a lot of people who I hadn't talked to in a long time. It lifted my spirits a lot. Most of these reconnections were via IM or video chat, and while nice, it's was missing the collaborative element. Funnily enough, I said in one of my long-time group chats, "I wish we could just doodle together." That's when my resourceful friend, @dirchansky, suggested we try out So, together with @PowersWithin, and @OresamaKage, shenanigans ensued and we started to yes-and each others' imaginations. The images in the post are the first of a series of wacky-doodle nights we've been trying to keep alive every week or so. I've found it lifts people's spirits to see something so out of the ordinary, fun, and imperfect, and it's totally in line with my personal journey to overcoming perfectionism.

An electrifying underwater scene: @ittybeatty, @dirchansky, @PowersWithin

Ducks vs. Cats – it escalated quickly: @ittybeatty, @dirchansky, @PowersWithin, @OresamaKAGE